Rescue Remedies.myfastforum.org

Pooch zzz · User Joined: 18 Jun 2009 Posts: 23

Yes, yes, (' Laughing

') we all know these, but here's a reminder - Any additions will be gratefully humoured!!!

LEASH: A strap which attaches to your collar, enabling you to lead your person where you want him/her to go.

DOG BED: any soft, clean surface, such as the white bedspread in the guest room or the newly upholstered couch in the living room.

DROOL: Is what you do when your persons have food and you don't. To do this properly you must sit as close as you can and look sad and let the drool fall to the floor, or better yet, on their laps.

SNIFF: A social custom to use when you greet other dogs. Place your nose as close as you can to the other dog's rear end and inhale deeply, repeat several times, or until your person makes you stop.

GARBAGE CAN: A container which your neighbors put out once a week to test your ingenuity. You must stand on your hind legs and try to push the lid off with your nose. If you do it right you are rewarded with margarine wrappers to shred, beef bones to consume and moldy crusts of bread.

BICYCLES: Two-wheeled exercise machines, invented for dogs to control body fat. To get maximum aerobic benefit, you must hide behind a bush and dash out, bark loudly and run alongside for a few yards; the person then swerves and falls into the bushes, and you prance away.

DEAFNESS: This is a malady which affects dogs when their person want them in and they want to stay out. Symptoms include staring blankly at the person, then running in the opposite direction, or lying down.

THUNDER: This is a signal that the world is coming to an end. Humans remain amazingly calm during thunderstorms, so it is necessary to warn them of the danger by trembling uncontrollably, panting, rolling your eyes wildly, and following at their heels.

WASTEBASKET: This is a dog toy filled with paper, envelopes, and old candy wrapper. When you get bored, turn over the basket and strew the papers all over the house until your person comes home

SOFAS: Are to dogs like napkins are to people. After eating it is polite to run up and down the front of the sofa and wipe your whiskers clean.

BATH: This is a process by which the humans drench the floor, walls and themselves. You can help by shaking vigorously and frequently.

LEAN: Every good dog's response to the command "sit !", especially if your person is dressed for an evening out. Incredibly effective before black-tie events.

BUMP: The best way to get your human's attention when they are drinking a fresh cup of coffee or tea.

GOOSE BUMP: A maneuver to use as a last resort when the Regular Bump doesn't get the attention you require.....especially effective when combined with The Sniff. See above.

LOVE: Is a feeling of intense affection, given freely and without restriction. The best way you can show your love is to wag your tail. If you're lucky, a human will love you in return Laughing

xristine · Posted: Sat Aug 29, 2009 12:20 pm Post subject:

POSTPERSON
This is someone who comes to the door and leaves things called ‘letters’. Some of these letters with PERSONAL, PRIVATE or CONFIDENTIAL make your human really sad. Rush madly to the door, growling and barking. Snatch the letter and tear it into little shreds. Eat it if you can! If you can't do this quickly enough run off; don't under any circumstances allow your human to get the letter. Feign deafness (see separate entry) if all else fails.

An alternative strategy is to wait silently by the door and grab the letter so quickly the postperson has a heart attack…

Your human may try to stop you from doing this as these postpersons are obviously fierce but take no notice. You can show real dog loyalty by persisting.
Wink

xristine · Posted: Sat Aug 29, 2009 12:46 pm Post subject:

and there's this one of course for the JRTs in particular...

HEEL
Some humans are timid and don’t run about enough on your walks. The really timid ones are scared and will ask you to walk to heel. Don’t indulge this. You need to get them to run about more and gain confidence. When they shout ‘Heel’ run off; staying slightly out of reach. You may have to practise your dodging skills to perfect this. Stop occasionally to see if they are following. Lie down at a distance if they are really unfit. Don’t lose sight of them or they may get lost. You will notice after a while they become more alert on your walks and much thinner.